One week left

I am so sad! I only have one week of maternity leave left and I am absolutely dreading going back to work! My only solace is knowing that my mom and mother in law will be watching Jake while I'm at work, but that's still only helps a little. I am going to miss being with him all day and nursing him when he's hungry. Instead, I'm going to be stuck at work, trying to pump when I can in a conference room to have enough milk for my little man. If any of you are in the same boat as I am, I recommend reading "The Milk Memos", a friend of mine recommended it to me and it's really good. I've cried so many times because I can really relate. It's about an executive from IBM who was back to work after maternity leave and was feeling alone and sad while she pumped alone in a lactation room. She left a note to see if anyone else was using the room and felt as sad as she did...soon there was a notebook full of the thoughts of the women using the lactation room and it helped her to have the support of the other women. I know it's going to be difficult, but I want to try to continue nursing until Jake is at least 6 months old.

Another hard part about going back is that I know that as he gets older he will start having more and more "firsts" that I am going to miss. It's going to break my heart if I miss him rolling over, sitting up, crawling, etc...for the first time. I know it's necessary for us financially for me to go back to work, but it's so hard. I always thought I was an independent career woman, but is is so wrong that I just want to stay home all day with my baby and take care of him?!?

I am just going to miss him so much! I'm going to miss his smile when he sees me, his little hand on my arm as he nurses, his milk breath, his little coos and his drool. I'm just going to try and relish the last week I have with him and then once I go back, every minute that I can will be spent with him! All I can do is take it one day at a time...