I've been in a major funk lately! I didn't fall asleep until 5 am this morning and now of course I'm super exhausted. There was just so many things weighing on my heart. Just when I think I am feeling "normal" again after the miscarriage something else comes up and I start right back from square one. Lately it's been very joyous things that are bringing me down. About 3 of my friends (all of whom were pregnant with me when I was pregnant with Jake) have announced their second pregnancies in the last 2 weeks. Of course I am happy for them all but a little part of me is sad and jealous and asking "why not me?!?" I am trying very hard to remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it's not necessarily the same as my plans. It's still hard when everyone else seems to be moving forward with their lives and in my mind I'm standing still.
I am also anxious to start trying again but so far my body hasn't cooperated and we can't even try yet. And even another pregnancy scares me to death since I don't think I can handle this again. I just hope I can get out of this funk soon!
6 comments:
Just remember hormones are buggers. You'll feel better have no fear. :)
You will! I remember when I miscarried, two people I worked with announced they were pregnant (out of wedlock) and weren't even excited to be pregnant. I was devastated. Your body will bounce back soon enough and then the whole worry of trying will start all over again. :-) I promise, it does get a lot better!
Hi Amber, I found your blog from Molly Jackson's blog. She is an old friend of mine, and has also been a strength to me in my time of loss. Last October, we lost a baby at 4 months along. We have three healthy beautiful children, and miscarriage seemed like something that only happened to "other" women. I was shocked and devastated. A second trimester loss was not only emotionally painful, but physically scarring, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have relied on my faith and understanding of the gospel to deal with the loss, but 9 months later my heart still aches, and I still struggle to find "normal". Anyway, I related to many of the feelings you shared in your post, and wanted you to know you are not alone. Please feel free to read my blog and my journey....hugs!
I found your blog through Molly's too.
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It was devastating, and even though I have since then had five healthy pregnancies and babies, I have never forgotten the heartache and sadness that miscarriage brought. I too, want you to know you aren't alone. Too often, others treat miscarriages as "it was probably for the best" etc. but it is still a cause to mourn.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't promise the fear of another miscarriage will disappear with future pregnancies, but know you are not alone. I pray the good Lord will bless you with healthy pregnancies and babies as you desire.
Another Mother
xx
Hi, My name is Alyssa, I read Molly's blog, and as I ready her post about you the link was shared below, and although I am not going through the same things as you, I can relate. This post helped me to realize I am not alone, thank you for that! :) Good luck with everything, I will be keeping you in my prayers!
I had a miscarriage last October. It was very hard. I was 14 weeks along and my experience was similar in that I went in for a routine apt. and found that there was no heart beat. The baby's heart quit at 12 weeks but I had to wait until 14 weeks for a miscarriage. It was hard to watch the bellies, of my neighbors who were pregnant about the same time as me, getting bigger and bigger, knowing that their babies were warm and alive and growing, and my baby was flushed down the toilet. I couldn't sleep for a while afterward because I was so sad. My hormones were crazy too. I just want you to know, that with some time you will be able to look back and say "Wow, that was hard but I made it through. I am stronger for it and more compassionate toward those who have or will experience this." I have trust in Heavenly Father, that he knows what needs to happen and that he has a plan. Everything will be okay. As much as it stinks, you will make it through this and everything will be for your good. Sorry for your loss.
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